Full circle

So, to everyone's surprise, mine especially, things at home seem to be working out just fine. I haven't killed anyone or have tried to kill myself yet, so I suppose that counts as progress. I have been sleeping a lot lately, and odd hours too. I should work on that. Went out with a new guy, older, cooler, very attractive. For some reason he likes me. A lot, apparently. And I'm... not completely inmune to his interest, but not in the way I should be. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it because of the awkward night we spent together? And what is UP with that, anyway? Am I becoming someone who just sleeps with all the guys I meet in the first date? It would appear so. After not giving it up for YEARS AND MONTHS ETC I hook up with guys I barely know. Why can't I stop going to extremes all the time? I don't believe in the word slut and I don't think there is anything wrong with a girl that sleeps with whomever she pleases... so long as it's not me? Still, something doesn't feel all right, and I'm not really enjoying myself (though I did, with Christian, for a while, but that was before I met Michel, hit my head against a wall and went back to Hernan) There's an emptiness I can't seem to fill, no matter how much I try. I've gone out with friends, tries meeting new people, helped my mom with stuff... and still... I can't wake up and do stuff. Everything feels TOO heavy. I wish I could start writing again. This is okay, for now, but it feels like too little, too small an effort, like always.