On being back home at 26

I broke up with my boyfriend, with whom I had been living for a year, last December. One of the things that weighted most heavily on my decision was where I was going to go. I was only going to work for a few more months at the office and then I had to leave everything and focus on my Residency exams. After that, if I was lucky enough to get into a Residency program, I wouldn't be seeing a paycheck until July at the EARLIEST. If I was LUCKY enough. So staying at the rented appartment wasn't a viable idea. I had to return home, with all it implied. I talked with my ex, and he seemed pretty contrite about the whole thing. "As well he should", a bitter part of my heart says. Long story short, I wound up living with my ex for another four months. My life had turned into a bad Jennifer Aniston movie. It wasn't that bad, actually. One of the reasons the ex and I broke up was because he travelled a lot for his job, so he was barely there. But when he came back, things happened, and it did my head in. At first I was all cool about it, and I was seeing other people, so it was a non-problem. I actually felt a bit sorry for him, but I was always upfront about everything I did, and he didn't seem to have a problem, so whatever. But when I quit my job and started cramming he became almost my only conection with the outside world. I felt lonely, and thus I began having all these stupid thoughts and feelings. He must have sensed it, because he began pulling back and acting less like a boyfriend and more like an ex. I knew in my head I didn't really want to get back together with him, and that I just felt lonely and that was it. That it wasn't fair for me to even bring it up. But one night, at my absolute lowest, I wondered out loud, in the smallest voice possible, if perhaps we could give it all another shot. After all, we had been behaving like a couple for weeks. He blew me off, completely. I'm kind of glad he did, now, seeing everything in perspective, but, fuck it hurt like a bitch. So I went through the motions, made it through my exams, and now I'm here, back home, at 26 years old, and I feel like I'm 14 all over again, hating my parents, slaming doors, and, yeah, emoing all over a blog. We'll see how it goes.